DIMES Strategic Leadership

How To Disagree & Still Get Things Done

In this session Dr. Walter V Murray focuses on how leaders handle disagreement & conflict —pushback on your ideas, your initiatives, and your implementation—without slipping into 3D (Disagreement Decision Dysfunction). You’ll learn to avoid the 5F reactions (Fight, Flight, Fawn, Freeze, Fake) and to diagnose whether a challenge is a Call to Clarify, so you can stay on mission and keep execution moving.

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Let’s Talk About Disagreement

  • How to Disagree and Still Get Things Done
  • Sunday AM Leaders Session
  • Theme: Disagreement • 3D • Tools to Stay on Mission

When Your Team Pushes Back

  • Subordinates disagree with leaders’ ideas, initiatives, and implementation
  • Complaining is a destructive form of disagreement
  • Disagreement pressure can hijack leadership response

Moses Under Pressure (Numbers 20:1–13)

  • The people complain: no water; emotions rise
  • God instructs: speak to the rock
  • Under pressure Moses strikes the rock

One Moment Can Change the Finish Line (Numbers 20:12)

  • The water was real—but Moses’ method was out of order
  • 3D can be legacy-changing (mission-altering)
  • Disagreement pressure can disqualify leaders from the finish line

What I Mean by 3D

  • 3D = Disagreement Decision Dysfunction
  • Under pressure, leaders default into predictable survival patterns
  • Those patterns show up as the 5F’s

The 5F’s Reactions We Fall Into

  • Fight — strike back / escalate
  • Flight — avoid / disappear
  • Fawn — appease / over-accommodate
  • Freeze — stall / ‘I’ll get back to you’
  • Fake — results without right process

TOOL #1: Don’t Take the Bait (Avoid the 5F’s)

  • Fight: ask one question before one statement
  • Flight: commit to a response cadence (24–72 hours)
  • Fawn: be kind and clear
  • Freeze: replace delay with a dated next step
  • Fake: re-anchor to the standard before acting

TOOL #2: Clarify or Conflict?

  • Not every challenge is disrespect
  • 3-Lens Diagnostic: Content • Context • Conduct
  • Field-test: ‘Clarity… or challenging authority?’

Leading Self Is Where It Begins (TOOL #3, BMSS)

  • Leading self with mastery is a prerequisite for leading others
  • Control the internal so external pressure doesn’t trigger 3D
  • Practice Stoic self-mastery under high-heat disagreement

4 Stoic Moves to Stay Steady

  • Identity defense makes disagreement feel personal
  • Emotional sovereignty: don’t outsource your peace
  • The sacred pause: choose response over reaction
  • Don’t catch the insult: don’t internalize disrespect

Close: Stay on Mission

  • Disagreement is inevitable; 3D is optional
  • Avoid the 5F’s • Diagnose Clarify vs Conflict • Lead self (Stoic/BMSS)
  • Tease: Tool #2 Masterclass / Cheat Sheet (scripts + decision-tree)

5-Question Feedback (2 minutes)

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